Word for the Year

Listening to one of my favorite podcasts this morning and was introduced to a wonderful idea. Instead of making resolutions for the new year, they adopt a theme. That way, there's nothing to break; "slips" can be forgiven and we can just move forward.

Perfect. And my theme for the year is "Reduce." As in weight, stuff, emotional baggage, obligations. The list can go on and on.

Clean House

The theme of my first month is going to be a cleaner house, of course. I'm having a hard time formulating a plan - so much to do, and if I had time to clean, wouldn't I be doing it now? The way I see it, my two options will be to set aside dedicated time and to take advantage of small periods of time. Will have time to think about it more today.

Gretchen Rubin's post today included a valuable thought:

“Pleasures that are in themselves innocent lose their power of pleasing if they become the sole or main object of pursuit.”
-The Map of Life, William Edward Hartpole Lecky

A stumbling block this week has been my desire to "do nothing," knitting, reading and napping instead of using my time to move forward. There's good reasons for that right now, but I needed the reminder that leisure activities need to stay in their place. I'll feel much better if I push to be more productive.

My day-to-day plan as I see it now:

Monday: Cooking - cook for Monday, Tuesday, and one freezer meal. Work in the afternoon/evening.

Tuesday: Work all day.

Wednesday: Morning time free; counseling appointment.

Thursday: Appointments - counseling and days with Mom.

Friday: Alternate work/ at home.

Saturday: See Friday

Sunday: Free day. Really want to include church.

Maybe I can plan time by looking at my schedule at the beginning of each week.

Not Such a Good Start

The house is overflowing with negativity this morning - one person's bad behavior started a chain reaction. But as far as I'm concerned, the issue is done. Everyone's actions have been addressed. Now it's time for grownups to act like grownups.

What can I do to lighten the atmosphere?

1. Refuse to discuss it again. Initial bad behavior - child's temper tantrum - is not forgotten because there's a consequence in place. It will stay in place, but I won't discuss it.

2. Act as if everyone else is on the same page. In other words, don't react to their sullenness or grumpiness. I have Christmas preparations to make that I intend to enjoy.

3. Plan a couple of pleasant breaks for myself: finishing the one mitt I have on the needles and 30 minutes of reading time behind a closed door. In addition, I'll plug my Ipod in to see if it helps.

Plan for the day complete. Keep calm and carry on.

A New Beginning and "Quiet"

This post marks a new beginning for my blogging life. The last five years plus have been filled with change, frustration, confusion and panic, interrupted with episodes of cuddling, giggling, wonder and joy. There was never a conscious decision to accept the fact that our grandchildren and their mother were going to be permanent members of our household. Our empty nest lasted about three months. When I first began this blog, it was intended to be an outlet for me in dealing with all the issues involved in making this transition: two babies needing care and a mom dealing with the consequences of an abusive marriage as well as a mental illness.

But I seldom used it. I kept it all private - how many family details need to be out in the world for people to see? Without feedback, which I didn't allow, it just felt like whining, which it was. We now have another grown child and HIS child added into the mix, and if we want this whole crazy mix to work, I needed a change in attitude. My reading during this last year led me to Gretchen Rubin's Happiness Project. I'm a sucker for self-improvement projects, especially ones that can be tracked on spreadsheets. Hence, my change in focus on this blog and my decision to open it up to outside readers. I need a forum for working stuff out and I'll take any help/suggestions I can get.

Another major shift in my attitude was spurred by my reading of Quiet: the Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Quit Talking by Susan Cain. I have suffered with shyness my entire life, and this author gave me permission to embrace that quality. I no longer have to agonize because I don't enjoy party small talk. My perfect evening is one spent among family with a book or my knitting. Going to the movies seems like a great waste of time and money to me. (I like movies, but prefer to be doing something else while I'm watching. That way I can get up and move around when I'm agitated, too.) Coffee with a neighbor is nice and the relationship we have is special, but my most productive time is morning before 10:00. I don't have to feel unneighborly because I don't want to be available every morning. Many of my feelings about myself are based on people encouraging me to be more outgoing in order to be happier. Not at all sure that's true.

So there's a lot of exploring to be done.

Passing Thoughts

I've finished the book and ideas just keep rolling around in my head. It will be a good thing to do, but where to start? Some ideas to consider:

Health - regular checkups, get enough rest, eat better, shingles inoculation, more exercise
Family - destress, more quality time, create family rituals
Hobbies - schedule in time, make knitting "kits," recognize the value in my hobbies
Home - declutter, streamline, more cleaning in less time

It's going to take a few more of these posts to get it straight.

MY Happiness Project

I began my reading year with The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin and I'm finishing the year with her sequel, Happiness at Home. Why the attraction? As much as we love our family, the last few years have felt overstressed. That isn't all due to family issues - the lack of steady work and money worries have drained our emotional and physical reserves. Of course, family issues haven't helped: the need to keep Matt at arm's length from the family, dealing with Rosanne's mental illness and her struggles to get well, persistent worries about Gil and his family.

I'm almost 62 years old and am struggling with the feeling that there isn't much time left for me to get my life right. Many of my friends seem to have found their paths to contentment and satisfaction. It's obvious that I'm not looking for happiness in the right way. Or maybe I'm just not recognizing it while I'm in the midst of it.

The author of these two books seems to have struggled with the same issues and I like how she approached it. So I've decided to launch my own "project." This blog can be my planning board. The first goal is to define the areas I want to work on. I'm determined not to rush. The beginnings should be ready by Jan. 1; not the whole plan, but the beginning steps. I like starting new things in the new year.

So here's the beginning of my list:

Possessions - control and organizing; streamlining
Home - cleaning and system, management
Marriage - more support for Jim, increase in intimacy
Temperament - matching my "outer calm" with a more peaceful heart
Hobbies - define and find time for them (reading, genealogy, knitting, cooking)
Health - more exercise, health checkups, eating habits, weight control
What makes me happy - why don't I listen to music?

More will occur to me as I think and read. It's going to be hard to not want to tackle it all at once, but I'll try to remember that small changes that last will make big improvments. Seems like "rules to live by" keep popping into my head. This morning -

Finish what you start.