A New Beginning and "Quiet"

This post marks a new beginning for my blogging life. The last five years plus have been filled with change, frustration, confusion and panic, interrupted with episodes of cuddling, giggling, wonder and joy. There was never a conscious decision to accept the fact that our grandchildren and their mother were going to be permanent members of our household. Our empty nest lasted about three months. When I first began this blog, it was intended to be an outlet for me in dealing with all the issues involved in making this transition: two babies needing care and a mom dealing with the consequences of an abusive marriage as well as a mental illness.

But I seldom used it. I kept it all private - how many family details need to be out in the world for people to see? Without feedback, which I didn't allow, it just felt like whining, which it was. We now have another grown child and HIS child added into the mix, and if we want this whole crazy mix to work, I needed a change in attitude. My reading during this last year led me to Gretchen Rubin's Happiness Project. I'm a sucker for self-improvement projects, especially ones that can be tracked on spreadsheets. Hence, my change in focus on this blog and my decision to open it up to outside readers. I need a forum for working stuff out and I'll take any help/suggestions I can get.

Another major shift in my attitude was spurred by my reading of Quiet: the Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Quit Talking by Susan Cain. I have suffered with shyness my entire life, and this author gave me permission to embrace that quality. I no longer have to agonize because I don't enjoy party small talk. My perfect evening is one spent among family with a book or my knitting. Going to the movies seems like a great waste of time and money to me. (I like movies, but prefer to be doing something else while I'm watching. That way I can get up and move around when I'm agitated, too.) Coffee with a neighbor is nice and the relationship we have is special, but my most productive time is morning before 10:00. I don't have to feel unneighborly because I don't want to be available every morning. Many of my feelings about myself are based on people encouraging me to be more outgoing in order to be happier. Not at all sure that's true.

So there's a lot of exploring to be done.