...or Maybe Not

It's two o'clock and the home stuff didn't get done earlier - probably won't later, either. I had to take Jim to meet his ride for work, which was no big deal, but it didn't leave me much breathing room this morning. I did finish paying bills, which is a major stress thing for me.

Mornings at the library can leave me a lot of time for thinking, so here's what's in my head. Saturday night I'm supposed to go have a girls night at the neighbor's. Her husband is out of town for the weekend, so we'll get together with a couple of other women and watch movies and snack. Also on the agenda is our annual date to share goals for the year to come. This started a couple of years ago on Judie's birthday and is slowly expanding to include a couple of other people. So my goals are on my mind. How much of this effort I'm making should be shared? Probably more than I would usually do, because there's no reason to stay so closed up.

But aside from the house stuff, a more important goal has been hanging around in my head. The relationship I have with my daughter is crap. It's not all her fault. I can be so pig-headed and sure that I'm right, and because it's my house, I usually get my own way. We've never been "snuggly"; as a child, she couldn't tolerate that kind of closeness. That will probably not ever change, although I won't say never. But I no longer think of her with kindness. I let my stress and overwhelming resentment get in the way of being really supportive of what she does.

So one of my major goals this year is to turn this situation around. For this month, I can make myself keep my mouth shut. If she uses her money for fast food instead of her daughter's birthday cake, shut up. Let her deal with it herself and keep your opinion to yourself. Think about my expectations of her and be thoughtful in how I express concerns. Currently, her style of dress bothers me, a lot. She's very immodest, and it bothers the men in our family. In presenting the problem to her therapist, I can be kind.

As far as goals tonight, maybe I can still get to that wine cupboard.